Michele Borba - Empathy

Empathy is a Verb - Michele Borba

A Parent Guide by Dr. Michele Borba, for

Thrivers: Surprising Reasons Why Some Kids Struggle & Others Shine

Chapter Two: EMPATHY

Thrivers think “we” not “me.” The gateway to empathy and thriving is human connection. Kids with strong empathy can understand and share another’s feelings, act compassionately and are more open, accepting and willing to understand views that differ from their own.

KEY POINTS FROM CHAPTER TWO of THRIVERS

  • 3 Abilities Nurture Empathy: 1. Emotional literacy; 2. Perspective taking; 3. Empathic concern.

  • Empathy Has 3 Types: A-Affective-sharing another’s feelings and feel their emotions; B-Behavioral when empathic concern rallies us to act with compassion; C-Cognitive-understanding another’s thoughts.

  • Watch Your Praise. Let kids know they’re loved and cherished, but not better or worthier than others. Selfabsorption erodes empathy, reduces prosocial behaviors, builds false confidence and boosts emptiness.

  • Emotion Literacy = Gateway to Empathy. Kids need an emotional vocabulary to learn social competence.

  • Model 4 Ls. Listening fully is one of the best ways to help us feel with and understand another’s views. Teach 4Ls: Look eye-t-eye; Lean in; Learn one common thing (“We both like/dislike…); Label the feeling.

  • Teach, “Empathy Can Be Stretched Like a Muscle.” Kids who believe that empathy can be developed extend far more effort trying to understand and share another’s feelings that those who believe it’s fixed.

  • Expecting Kids to Care Boosts Empathy. Expressing disappointment about uncaring increases perspective taking skills. Discipline with 3 steps: NAME the uncaring act, FRAME impact, RECLAIM caring expectations.

  • Meaningful Contribution Increases Resilience. Kids given opportunities to help others tend to become more empathic-especially if the impact of their helpful actions is pointed out.

  • Read Literary Fiction. The right stories, books (like Wonder, The Outsiders, The Wednesday Surprise, Grapes of Wrath) films can improve children’s capacity to understand what others are thinking and feeling.

PERSONAL REFLECTIONS

What outside factors hinder the development of this Character Strength? What are you doing to enhance empathy in your child? What more could you do?

My take away ______________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

My plan: How will I help your child develop a caring mindset?

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Lessons for my family: How will I discipline to strengthen my child’s empathy?

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©2021. Dr. Michele Borba. For more about Dr. Borba and her book, Thrivers see www.micheleborba.com